Just a Little Bit Overwhelmed

But just a tiny bit.

M1 will be A Whole Decade Old in a few weeks, and today was M2’s last full-time daycare with my aunt. Tomorrow & next week she goes to my folks’ for the day because auntie is going on a trip & then she’s in kindergarten. That’s nearly 10 years that I’ve driven every single work day to my aunt’s to drop off and/or pick someone up. It’s been what feels like one of the few constants over the last 10 years.

M2 cried herself to sleep tonight. Ostensibly because she wanted to nurse but my milk has gone. This hasn’t bothered her for a good two years. And it didn’t really bother her when she quit. I don’t think that’s really what’s bothering her. I think she just can’t parse any other way the sense of loss and change and apprehension other than to associate it with needing a level of comfort and security that she had when she was nursing. Poor baby. I snuggled extra long with her tonight, heart breaking along with hers. Oh the achy boobs — they wanted to fix everything. Gah.

It’s not a bad change, just a big one.