Prolly TMI. Too Bad.

I don’t understand why it’s so stoopidly difficult for me to make the decision to go see a doctor. I even really *like* my current doctor. Yeah, yeah, I’ve had some run ins with particularly horrid doctors, but who hasn’t seen a horrid doctor in their life? Or a clueless one. Or one that’s blown you off? Or one that refused to believe that there was a problem? Or one that made impertinent suggestions?

I’m being particularly good & have made, for tomorrow, a doctors appointment. Yes. Me & my week old UTI are going to see the doctor. Before I’m peeing blood & pus & let it progress to the kidney infection stage. Or even just a really bad UTI. Right now it’s just nagging. And it’s been nagging for a week & gallons of water & cranberry capsules haven’t done the trick (usually they work if I’m religious about it all in the first two days — not this time, alas). So I’m overcoming my natural tendency to avoid doctors like they spread the plague and going to see my doctor who I actually really like despite the fact that my inclination is to let things progress to the point where I can’t hardly walk for the pain. This is a huge step for me. Sad & pathetic. It should be a “duh” event. And it’s a big deal. I’m such a dork.

I think part of the problem is that I really have trouble asking for help too. Simply cannot do it unless I’m forced to. And going to the doctor is not only admitting that I need help, but outright asking for help. Unlike the rash caused by rue (the plant — be careful, yo — it makes your skin very very photosensitive, I burnt, blistered, & wandered around with a weird burn patch on my arm for months as the result of brushing up against that rue. There’s a reason it’s called rue…), I know what this is & I know a doctor will know how to treat it.

Meh. I want to always be healthy & just die in my sleep healthily when I’m damned old & good & ready. That’s not to much to ask, is it? And a goat. I’d like a goat. And a spinning wheel. And a pony for the kids (not the baby goat, my chilluns!).