07 OctCleaning up

Yeah, been working on the front page!  I have some more work I need to keep doing on it, but it’s looking pretty nice, huh?  The remaining things are to really tighten up the movement page & the professional page.  It’s stuff that’s easier to work on with a computer than an iPad, and my computer upstairs is on its last legs.  We replaced it with a new one, but that one is typically in use, between the downstairs or kid homework stuff.  Still contemplating picking myself up a little Mac something or other, but keep putting it off.

The other thing that is slowing me down is just being tired when I get home.  Which has always been a thing.  I go go go all day and by the time I get home, I want to let inertia take over and slow down.  I hear the trick is not in finding balance, the trick is in effective flow management and allowing for recovery after effort etc.  I think there’s still an element of balance in that but maybe less on the exacting balance of piling things on top of other things precariously and more the balance of moderation where everything in moderation, including moderation.  I’m rambling.

Trying to figure out what to do from here.  I cannot tell if work is a grand adventure anymore or if it’s just the trenches.  There are interesting exciting things happening, I think, but I am not really part of them anymore, which is disappointing.  I… It hurts and I’m sad.

But it’s a beautiful foggy day out there.  I suppose I should work on some work stuff, and my home page, and my resume, and my linked in.  Tomorrow is full moon, Poison Moon, so will be working on transmuting some wicked poison into medicine.  First, I think a walk in the fog to clear my head, then all other things in time.

28 JulIntention v. Motivation

Have been thinking a lot about the two lately, as gyro teacher updates on Orcas draws near, and as yet another year has passed and I have done no classes since last year, and not gone to Florida to get my certification taken care of.

As I was on my way to class yesterday — to take, not teach, obviously — it dawned on me that often I have plenty of motivation to do things, but I don’t always have a clear intention that guides that motivation.  I know my motivation behind doing the teacher training:  I like learning, and  I like moving at a deep level, and I like sharing learning, and hearing what other folks who are learning and moving deep are learning/experiencing.  I have great motivation!  Curiosity!  But what I am doing, what I want to do, what I am going to do with all that once the motivation has carried me for a while, what my intention is in getting teacher training is… not clear.  I don’t have the kind of space I would need in my head to take on teaching classes, much less realistically in my schedule.  So… curiosity is driving, and I guess my intention is simply the exploration and sharing of that curiosity.

I have been thinking of doing a 40 day yoga practice (might go longer, might not), and I’ve been procrastinating starting it.  Too tired or too many potential interruptions or am/can I mix in gyro & PT (yes, of course I can!) or lazy don’t wannas or can’t find something I want to do/or plan out a little ahead… Silliness.  But there it is.  In this case, I have intention, but not motivation.  Well, I even have motivation, it’s just not yet sufficiently compelling, apparently.

Things will eventually sort themselves out. Or not.

16 MayPT

I finally asked for PT for my foot.  It doesn’t hurt *right now* and as a result, I feel like sort of a whiner about the whole thing.  But here’s the thing — I know that when I walk longer than about 15 minutes that my foot hurts, depending on how much longer, to the point that the burning sensation on the top of my foot keeps me awake.  I know that puttering around my yard or house longer than an hour or so is going to mean my foot hurts keeping me wanting to be sort of off it for the next few days.  I know that going on a trip and doing more than a minimal amount of walking is going to hurt.  A lot.  Airports?  Pain.  Walking at the Y on a treadmill faster than 2.5 mph for more than 15-20 minutes? Pain.  Parks? Zoo? Aquarium? Arboretum? Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

So shut up voice in my head.  It doesn’t hurt Right Now.  But I know it’ll hurt again and soon. I’m doing the right thing by taking care of myself… after five or six years of this, I’m over it.

06 MayNo Way To Edit A Zillion Posts

So this will continue to just be whatever I feel like putting up here.  It seems silly to go back through over 1,000 posts and decide what should be private, what shouldn’t, what is too “boring” and blah blah blah.   I guess I… and you, whoever you are, are stuck with what I decide to post.  My golden notebook of sorts.  I am not a one faceted person and I guess this space doesn’t get to be either.  And no one is reading here anyway, so it sort of doesn’t matter.

I think I got it unlinked from Linked In, seemed reasonable since I don’t focus on All Professional Things All The Time.  No insight tonight, alas.  Perhaps some other time.

04 MayHappiness

“Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.

Many people today resent the suggestion that they’re in charge of the way the feel. But trust me, Parker. Those people are mistaken. That was a big lesson from Dirty Jobs, and I learned it several hundred times before it stuck. What you do, who you’re with, and how you feel about the world around you, is completely up to you.”


— Mike Rowe

30 AprRequired Reading


‘Real radical change happens when someone in a position of authority turns to a blowhard and says: “You are wrong. Stop talking.”’ 

This. Full. Stop.

28 AprThings

Appreciation: CAYA, my family, that I’ve had a whole week off, that I’ve had good discussions with people over that week, that M2 and I got a bunch of yard work done

Me: Thinking about right livelihood, what it means to be collaborative in a competitive world, conflict resolution, ethics, expectations.

Them: I don’t remember right now who they are. We’ll roll today with family — P figured out how to use our new printer as a scanner and has been scanning old pictures from when we were first married, and reading (but not scanning) the letters I wrote to him in those days. M2 seems to have one little friend back. It will be interesting to see how tomorrow plays out given events of this past week. M1 is home for Disneyland, safe, sound and glad to be back in the drizzly, erratically weathered PNW.

Home: Yes, we did a bunch of yard work. And yet, so much more to do. And even some ideas about what to do! I didn’t really get the inside clean, well… Some of it, but I have some routine stuff I’ll need to do tomorrow when I get home.

Reading/Watching/Listening: Reading: looking for ‘Being Peace’ — we have it somewhere, just not sure where. Think I might work my way through ‘How To Be An Explorer Of The World.’ Because I can. Watching: Cosmos, because made of win. Listening: Faun Fables, because likewise made of win.

Anticipating: apprehensively, my return to work tomorrow.

Projects: calendar and planning some CAYA homework. Taxonomy and generally catching up at work. Preparing for Deipnon, MOTNT, and CoH.

Thinking on: all that stuff I said up above.

Work: back to it tomorrow.

Where I’m At: the bathtub. Because, as M2 would say, sassily, ‘that’s how I roll!’

18 AprRandom Update

Appreciation: Friends who have templated regular posts that I can lift the format of as I muddle through my own invisible corner of the internet. Or not invisible. Someone might at some point stumble across this.

Me: Doing alright. Considering options. Exploring and adventuring. Taking a much needed week off to revisit me.

Them: Being a kid is hard. Navigating the world of little girls is brutal (M2). Navigating the world with friends on a trip is new (M1)! Old lady cat is old, smelly, and the vet said we could have a couple years or a couple months with her. The “kittens” are not really kittens anymore & are scheduled for their overdue vet appts.

Home: I have gardening to do! And while someone is on a trip, room cleaning (shhhh!). And stuff. And I guess setting up an appt to get my clutch replaced (no pearls, but the car will be happier).

Reading/Watching/Listening: Listening to Faun Fables. And Tool’s Lateralus. Watching What Not To Wear, at the moment… Reading… the internet? Pinterest?

Anticipating: A week off! M1 getting home (even though she hasn’t left yet). Going to the zoo or something with M2.

Projects: That gardening thing. Career development/planning.

Thinking on: Need a new computer for The Family. Considering whether or not to get myself one too, to keep upstairs — I’d use a laptop a little more if there were one upstairs and not down here all the time.

Work: See career development/planning… Recovering from a fairly intense couple years and need to do some active planning rather than simply trying to survive what’s dumped on me (or taken away from me), the politics, the crazy…

Where I’m At: I got two turntables and a microphone. E.g., downstairs.

30 DecMushroom, mushroom!


12 DecMash up

A mash up of brief thoughts:
• I cannot wait for menopause, because I srsly never ever ever ever want to be pregnant again. Twice was plenty enough, and I had relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, which is to say at no point was I in danger of dying.
• A friend sent out an invite to an inclusive group she practices with who are reaching out online for the first time. I may throw my cards in and see what comes of it. I think… I think I might just do that. Suppose I should pull together my petition, then.