30 DecMushroom, mushroom!
12 DecMash up
A mash up of brief thoughts:
• I cannot wait for menopause, because I srsly never ever ever ever want to be pregnant again. Twice was plenty enough, and I had relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, which is to say at no point was I in danger of dying.
• A friend sent out an invite to an inclusive group she practices with who are reaching out online for the first time. I may throw my cards in and see what comes of it. I think… I think I might just do that. Suppose I should pull together my petition, then.
12 DecTentacle Beast
This is you. This is where all your thoughts are kept. Every other part of your body is used to protect and sustain this.
I want to cry
it’s weirdly comforting to know that all of the meaningless bullshit society judges me on is just a meatsuit made to support the terrifying tentacle beast that is my true form.
“…the terrifying tentacle beast that is my true form.”
It’s sort of beautiful.
03 DecHat Knitting
Knitting a hat is nice because when it comes maudeforbid time to stop for the night, it becomes its own bag for associated stuff.
17 NovNot Sorry
For the last six months or so, I feel like there’s been this heavy layer of having to be sorry for way too much of what I do, too much trying to be ‘good’ and not succeeding. It sucks. I hate feeling like I need to be sorry for:
• being exhausted
• being totally burnt out
• having opinions and perceptions of my own
• not being ‘nice’ (but being right)
• not being ‘patient’
• for not fitting into some mold of I don’t even know what anymore and finding large parts of myself seeping through the seems where I simply cannot be contained any longer
• being resentful about the fact that I have been made to feel like I need to apply an additional layer of ‘sorry’ to all the other things I’m already feeling
• for basically not being perfect in All The Ways
It is too much. I am trying to find a place of ‘I’m sorry, I’m not sorry’ but it’s hard. Trying to find a place where I can express (or not) the feels with integrity, but it’s hard to act from a place of integrity and wholeness when everything feels shot full of holes and shattered. Of course, that’s typically when it’s most important.
I guess that’s where I’m at today. I’m not sorry.
10 NovMushroom 1
Species: Poison Pie, (Hebeloma crustuliniforme)
Substrate: Forest Floor, Fall Detritus.
Surrounding Vegetation: Maple leaves, pine needles.
Elevation: ~ 300′.
Manner of Growth:
Gills: Blade-like, connected to stipe, beige, but slightly darker than cap. Do not run down stipe
Stipe: Button mushroom colored, ~ half cm diameter, ~ two inches long, fiberous.
Cap: Button mushroom colored with hints of reddish brown at center.
Base Cup: Nope.
Smell: Smells mushroom-y.
References: Keyed by All That the Rain Promises and More…, page 146.
30 OctBig top circus
I want to run away. Will someone please make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Edited to comment: dear Universe, if that thing that looks sort of like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich really is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it appears as if it might also come with chocolate milk and a snickerdoodle? I may have to investigate more closely.